The Rookie Diaries: A Day in the Life of an Emotional Eater

Are you an emotional eater? I might as well ask if you're human. Very few of us eat JUST because we're hungry. And even when we think we're hungry, we may instead be tired, stressed, nervous, or even happy or excited (birthday + celebration = cake!). There's nothing wrong with the fact that food gives us pleasure—that's why God invented taste buds, right? But when eating becomes therapy, it's time for an intervention.

I know I'm an emotional eater—I tend to eat as a way to cope with stress and as a reward for hard work, whether it's desk work or sweating at the gym. I don't consciously think "Wow, this work deadline is ratcheting up my anxiety, must eat chocolate"—it's more automatic than that, like how I'm conditioned to cross the street when the light is green. The irony about emotional eating is that we eat to feel better, but we often end up feeling worse because we've eaten too much of the wrong foods! So to bring more awareness to my emotional eating—and to hopefully break some of the patterns—I kept a diary for a day to track why I was eating and how I was feeling while munching. Then I had The Best Life's lead nutritionist Janis Jibrin, M.S., R.D., take a look at my intake and assess it for calories, fat, sodium and overall health.

Here's the big reveal, nitty-gritty details and all:

8 a.m. Breakfast: 1 cup of coffee with low-fat milk and 1 cup of cereal with 1/3 cup low-fat milk
I'm feeling tired and hungry. Legitimately hungry because I haven't eaten for eight hours and legitimately tired because I only slept for six. I gulp down the coffee and cereal at light speed and race out the door to make it to a 9 a.m. press event. I'm feeling satisfied, but still tired.

10 a.m. Snack: 3 pieces of fruit (1 section of orange, about 10 grapes, 3 pineapple chunks)
There's a post-press-event breakfast for attendees. I only know a few people here, and when I'm standing alone, I feel self-conscious, so I gravitate toward the food table to give myself something to do. I see plates, forks and a fruit plate. To help myself look busy—and because, frankly, the food is free—I help myself to an orange, grapes and pineapple. I eat them quickly. I hover around the table for a few more minutes and, still left to my own devices, I head toward the smoothie stand and order a smoothie and make chit-chat with the server. A colleague I know comes over and we catch up. I only take a few sips of my smoothie—I'm no longer nervous and realize…I'm not really hungry after all.

11 a.m. Another Snack: Large latte (10 ounces) with soymilk and a Clif energy bar
I'm at a café with my laptop, working. This is a danger zone—me, with my computer, on deadline for a story, and an array of menu choices only a few feet away. If I have several deadlines piled up, back-to-back, like today, having a snack at the ready is practically a prerequisite for finishing the task. Today, my trusty assistants are a latte and a peanut power bar. The only feeling I pinpoint is a slight sense of impatience and mild stress; the drinking/eating-while-I-work feels more like a compulsion and a habit. I down the whole latte in five minutes and nibble on the energy bar. And finish my assignment.

2 p.m. Lunch: Frozen cheese pizza (single serving size, people!) and a side salad (1 cup greens, ½ cucumber, 6 olives, oil and vinegar dressing)
I'm pretty hungry, so the only feelings going on here are honest-to-goodness hunger pains and a touch of grumpiness because my blood sugar is low—hmmmm, not eating affects your emotions as well, it appears.

4 p.m. Snack: 3 ounces of cheese
I JUST ate, so I can't be truly hungry, but here I am eating feta cheese, straight out of the carton as I type this. I check in with myself and am feeling…tired. I think I'm misinterpreting fatigue as hunger. Plus, I'm still working on an assignment that's due at the end of the day, and cheese is my friend right now. It's salty creaminess says, "Don't worry, I'll help you meet your deadline." And it does.

8 p.m. Pre-dinner Snack: A pear
I just returned from yoga class and am starving. To stave off hunger while I cook dinner, I grab a juicy pear. I'm feeling energized from my class and virtuous because my pre-dinner snack is so healthy!

9 p.m. Dinner: 2 huge bowls of sausage-kale-white bean stew
This recipe is supposed to serve four, but I eat enough for two adults while watching a cliffhanger episode of Damages on FX. I don't even realize how quickly I'm eating until I'm into the second serving. I'm feeling amped up by the intensity of the show and that tension is fueling my feeding. I make a mental note not to eat dinner while watching hair-raising TV in the future.

10 p.m. Another Snack: 2.5 ounces of chocolate and 1 cup of popcorn
The TV-watching continues, as does the late-night snacking. This is the witching hour for me, the time of day when I reward myself for all my hard work by enjoying two of my favorite things: Chocolate and television. It's a form of celebratory feasting, but I have to remember that food hangover I'll feel in the morning will negate the joy.

The Postmortem: Looking at my day, I clearly use food to cope with work stress. And not just any food, but high-fat, high-sodium food. "You took in about 4,000 mg of sodium, which is almost double what you should have in a day," says Jibrin, who adds that emotional eaters tend to grab salty, fatty (and sugary) foods. That explains why I was parched all day long! "And your saturated fat intake was about 40 percent higher than your day's limit, thanks to the feta, sausage and cheese pizza." Sigh.

As for calories, she says I came in at around 2,300, which isn't bad, but in a perfect world I'm closer to 1800. High-fat foods like cheese are also high-cal, so bingeing on cheese is a double-whammy. The good news? Jibrin says I hit my quota for fruit and veggies! (There's always a silver lining.)

My goals moving forward: If I can replace some of the higher-fat snacks (like cheese) with lower-fat, healthier ones, like whole-grain crackers or veggie sticks—even chewing gum!—I'll be in better shape. FYI, researchers have done studies showing that chewing gum while working increases your alertness and mood. So if you're like me and feel an urge to chew while you work, there's a logical, underlying reason you're compelled to do it—sugarless gum, here I come!

I also have to keep an eye on my TV-eating, which can be a recipe for weight gain. I should have probably stopped myself at one bowl of stew, and may have done so had I not been so distracted. And one ounce of chocolate—which is heart-healthy in small doses, I might add—should have been enough. (The popcorn is safe as long as it's air-popped.) If I can't learn to control my late-night nibbling by limiting portions or swapping in healthier foods, I'll have to uncouple my snacking and TV watching. One way to keep TV snacking to a minimum: Heed Bob Greene's two-hour eating cut-off. The Best Life Diet recommends that you stop eating at least two hours before bed (the time I usually park myself in front of the TV) to ensure you're hungry enough in the morning for a good-sized breakfast and so you avoid the black hole of night eating.

Do any of you have suggestions for how to curb emotional eating, or, at the very least, snack on something healthy to keep your emotions from eating you? Please share!

Take the Slow-Down Challenge

Does any of this sound familiar? You rush through breakfast, eating most of it somewhere between the front door and the front seat of your car. Then, you have lunch at your computer–not clearly remembering when the meal started, ended, or even what it consisted of. The second half of your day might not be any better, as you grab a quick snack before picking your kids up from practice followed by a distracted dinner that involves eating, watching TV and checking your kids' homework. But wait—do you ever have the chance to enjoy your food? Do you find yourself feeling satisfied after eating a meal or snack? With this eating schedule, both are highly unlikely.

In a world where many of us feel constantly rushed, slowing down might be just what you need to help get you closer to your health and weight loss goals. Here are a couple reasons why:

1. You'll feel more satisfied. When you scarf down lunch while typing away at an email, you don't get a chance to check in with your internal hunger and fullness cues, which means you might eat more than you really need. On the other hand, if you slow down (yes, put your fork down and take a breath between bites!) and periodically ask yourself if you're satisfied or still hungry, you might find that you're content with only half your sandwich and a bowl of soup. Eating more slowly can also reduce the urge to snack soon after a meal because it allows your mind the chance to get the memo that your body is satisfied.

2. You'll feel less frazzled. Let's face it, these are pretty stressful times. Taking just a few minutes—as little as 15!—to sit down and relax at your meal gives your mind and body a much-needed breather. Not to mention, it can also help curb emotional eating, which is often triggered by stress.

3. You'll improve your relationships. Whether it's chatting with a coworker over salmon salad on whole wheat bread, or bonding with your spouse and kids over a family dinner, meals provide an opportunity to connect with the people around you. Engaging in a conversation over a meal can also help you slow down your eating pace.

4. You'll have a better relationship with food. Developing a healthy relationship with food–a relationship where you use food for nourishment rather than emotional support, where you eat until you're satisfied rather than stuffed, and where you feel comfortable and in control around food–takes practice. And in order to practice, you must be present. Slowing down at meals means you’'e less likely to miss important opportunities to hone your healthy relationship with food.  

I'd like to propose a challenge: Slow down at your meals and snacks, and take some time to focus on eating. In other words, don't do anything else but eat when you're eating! This will likely take some planning and some getting used to, but the benefits will far exceed any temporary inconvenience. Let me know how it goes.

Put an End to Emotional Eating

Emotional eating is a lot like any other bad habit, including smoking or drinking. It can become an addiction that can have major consequences on your health. But emotional eating is a particularly hard habit to break—in many cases, even more so than quitting smoking or giving up drinking—because there's no way to avoid food. If you're a smoker trying to quit, you can completely steer clear of your triggers (outdoor smoking breaks with colleagues, happy hour with friends, even the convenience store where you usually buy your cigarettes). But we all need to eat, so there's no way to remove the trigger if you're an emotional eater.

So, how do you break the habit? Use these tips to end the emotional eating cycle:

Organize your eating. Start by creating a regular eating schedule, which consists of a healthy breakfast, a moderate lunch and dinner, and a snack or two, if needed, to keep hunger in check. (That's what I recommend on the Best Life plan.) Then, don't allow yourself to eat outside of these times. This simple act will make you more conscious about what you eat and when you eat it. Plus, when you distribute your calories evenly throughout the day, you'll maintain your energy levels and potentially even help stabilize your mood, both of which can help you ward off emotional eating.

Make eating a conscious activity. In most cases, someone who eats because of emotions isn't even aware they're doing it. They're eating unconsciously or mindlessly, which makes it very easy to overdo it on the calories. By following a regular eating schedule, you've already taken a big step toward becoming a more mindful eater. To take it a step further, try to make each meal an event. Sit down without any distractions, take the time to savor your food, and appreciate each bite. You're much more likely to take pleasure out of the experience (rather than feel guilty) if you do it this way.

Identify emotional eating triggers. The five most common reasons for emotional eating are: boredom, stress, loneliness, emotional turmoil (including depression or emotional issues caused by early childhood trauma), and the need to fill a void. Once you figure out your trigger, you can then come up with a fix. For instance, if boredom is what drives you to eat, create a list of things you'd like to do or try, whether it's a craft project or learning a foreign language. Then, whenever the urge strikes, take out your list and try to tackle the first item. If loneliness is your problem, figure out why you'd rather eat than get together with a friend (a food/mood journal can help you pinpoint the reason). Then, broaden your social horizons: Join a club or take a class at the gym to meet new people. Also note that some dietary changes, such as including more omega-3 fats (found in fatty fish), vitamin D (found in milk and fish like sardines, salmon and mackerel) and B vitamins like folate (found in nuts, legumes and many fruits and veggies) and B12 (found in lean and low-fat animal products) can also boost your mood, which may help curb emotional eating.

Take it one step at a time. Be patient with yourself. Breaking any habit takes time, and you'll likely experience some setbacks along the way. Eventually, you'll get to a point where you eat only when you're hungry and you turn to your healthy coping techniques when you're feeling sad, upset or lonely. This will help you shed those unwanted pounds, and lead a healthier and happier life.

For more on emotional eating, check out TheBestLife.com.

An Important Self-Exam

You want to lose weight. You want to be in shape. You want to live healthier. But for some reason, you just can't make it happen. Whenever people ask me for advice on how to overcome this issue, I often respond with a question: Why haven't you been successful at losing the weight? Many respond with a quick and easy answer, what I call a surface answer. They'll say something like, I don't have time or I feel guilty doing things for myself instead of my family. But often, it's something much deeper. Maybe you're unhappy in your career or you're feeling unfulfilled in a relationship, so you turn to food to cope. It could be that financial stress causes you to misuse food. It may also be an issue of self-worth. If you don't value yourself and feel that your health is worth the effort, then you won't hit the gym or go for that scheduled run.

To uncover what's standing between you and your best life, ask yourself five very important questions. Instead of simply answering them on the fly, sit down and ponder each question. Jot down your answer so you have a written reminder—you can refer to it whenever you need a motivation boost.

1. What are you really hungry for?
Many people turn to food when they're lonely, depressed, angry or bored. Try to figure out what causes you to overeat—a food and mood journal can help you spot any patterns. For example, maybe you realize that you cope with loneliness by overeating. You may know that you can't find companionship at the bottom of a bag of chips, but until you identify this as your particular problem, you won't be able to break the pattern.

2. Why are you overweight?
Again, surface answers like, 'I don't like the taste of vegetables' or 'I can't stand exercise' won't cut it. These are merely obstacles—not the real reason that you're struggling to slim down. Weight is usually a symptom of a larger, deeper problem. Many people use their weight as a security blanket, for instance. They worry that if they lose a lot of weight, people will be able to see them for who they really are. For others, it's fear that's holding them back—whether it's a fear of making a change or even finding success. You may have to do some digging to figure out the answer to this question.

3. Why have you been unable to maintain weight loss in the past?
Looking at your weight-loss history can be very valuable—you can pinpoint what works (and then incorporate these things into your current plan) and what doesn't (you'll know what to avoid as well as where your weaknesses may be).

4. What in your life is not working?
When life is out of balance, it's easy to stray from your healthy-eating or regular workout routine. Figure out the areas in your life that need attention and try to do something everyday to improve them.

5. Why do you want to lose weight?
The easy answer to this question is: To fit into a certain size dress or to look better. But to really stick to a program long-term, you'll need a deeper, more motivating reason. For instance, maybe you want to be around to see your grandchildren, or perhaps you're a new mom who needs the energy to keep up with her growing family. If you find a reason that has value and that improves your life, you're more likely to stay the course when you’re tempted to go off track.

For more motivation and weight-loss tips, check out TheBestLife.com.

The Power of the Pen

A powerful tool that can help you beat cravings and emotional eating is probably within your reach—a pen and paper. To get your cravings under control, grab a pen and paper and start making a list of non-food things you can do when you're feeling anxious, bored, sad, restless, etc. This simple piece of paper can snap you out of a snack attack because it gives you a number of fun things you can do instead of reaching for food when you're in an emotional state.

What my clients put on their lists vary. Here are a few examples to get you started: 
Paint your nails
, read a magazine, 
go for a walk
, do laundry, 
take a bubble bath
, organize the photos on your computer
, call a friend/relative you need to catch up with
, go through your emails
, whiten your teeth
, head to a book store and browse.

Once you've made your list, keep one copy at home and another copy at work. If you tend to spend a lot of time in your car, you can also keep a copy in your glove box so if you get the urge to stop for fast food on the way home, you can pull over and look at all the things you have to do instead. Similarly, if you're traveling, toss a copy of your list into your purse or luggage. This way, you're covered no matter where you are. Then whenever you get the urge to eat because of emotions (rather than hunger), choose something off of your list to do instead.

For more weight-loss tips, join TheBestLife.com.

What Successful Losers Have in Common

On TheBestLife.com, there's an entire section to devoted to success stories—people who've lost weight and are now living healthier, more active lives. I love reading these stories, not only because they inspire me to live my best life, but also because they teach me so many important lessons about nurturing what's important to you and finding support and motivation. 

A common thread I see throughout the success stories is the ability to take a perceived failure, assess why it happened as well as how to prevent it in the future, and to move on. I see this a lot with my clients—mistakes are simply part of the journey and when you learn from them and move on, you move forward a stronger person.

For example, although you'd like to eat healthfully at every meal (if you're following the Best Life plan, the weekly meal plans makes this a breeze), there will be times, for a variety of reasons, that you don't. You can either beat yourself up about it, which can actually lead to more overindulging in a sort of "to heck with it!" rebellion or you can learn from it and move on. I always encourage people to eat a healthy breakfast the day after overdoing it. It can be tempting to skip breakfast to make up for the additional calories, but in the long run, skipping breakfast just makes you want to eat more the rest of the day. And remember, try not to be too hard on yourself—instead, learn from your mistakes and move on, better equipped to avoid the problem the next time around.

A Binge Breaker

We all have stressful moments (traffic, a tense work meeting, a burned dinner)—mine just happened to all come on the same day. On this day, my three-month-old son Reid had been awake and fussy right from the beginning—I had a chance to shower but that was it. My husband was late coming home from work and I hadn't heard from him. The dog was scratching to go outside, and oh, did I mention that it was 27 degrees outside? 

I needed a break and I wasn't sure how to take one, so I cracked and fell into the pattern that Bob describes so well in the emotional connection section of the Best Life plan. I was grabbing food from wherever I could find it and just shoving it in my face. I'm not even sure I was really tasting what I was eating.

When I was finally finished with the food fest, I remembered one of Bob's popular self-help exercises, the Circle of Life, so I opened the book up and went through the exercise of examining my life. This was a blessing because hosestly, the breakdown came without warning. Looking over my life and evaluating the emotional connection I had to each area, I was able to identify a problem: I had no idea when my husband was due home each night. The fact that he was late wasn't a problem—I just didn't know how late he was going to be, which prevented me from mapping out my evening—when to cook and eat dinner, walk the dog, put the baby down, etc. I felt like  my energy was quickly draining as I waited for him to come home. After we talked, I was able to develop a timeline so I could plan the rest of my evening, and that helped to get me back on track. From now on, we're going to communicate better about our schedules, and that should prevent any emotionally induced eating frenzies. At least that's one less thing to stress about!

To learn more about the Circle of Life and the Best Life plan, check out TheBestLife.com.